What you don’t heal from, you eventually project to others

What hurt are you dismissing?

Out of the heart, the mouth speaks....(Luke 6:45)

When the heart is broken or if an unfortunate experience damages your mind, emotions, or spirit, it’s easy to anesthetize the pain with things, people, objects, and activities that in the initial moment feel good, but long-term do not bring fulfillment.

I remember looking at my reflection not too long ago in hopes of finding something wrong with me.

Before this point, I was asking “what’s wrong with me” because it appeared that my world was so far removed from what I had hopes of experiencing. I thought by now I would have a family of my own, a business that was gaining traction, and a laundry list of things knocked off my bucket/adventure list. Yet, because of the areas of insecurity I once suppressed or disregarded because I didn’t want to be ungrateful for the many opportunities I experienced throughout my life, the hidden unfulfillment I possessed drove me to be more critical of others’ kindness, which inevitably grew to a dismissing of their intentions to connect.

While at that moment, I began to wonder about how many people missed out on experiencing, as my best friend likes to call it, “a real moment with Mahalia.” How many ideas did I knockdown because my insecurities or misfortunes tainted my view of opportunity or optimism for an area of interest?

The list of questions rattled on for a bit, but at some point, I realized that figuring out how many people received actions or comments from my hurt was only the surface layer to my overall dilemma. What mattered more was understanding where the jadedness stemmed from. The questions fueling the how many’s were just symptoms of what’s broken or hurt inside.

Now full transparency, it didn’t take me too much time to uncover that answer. A handful of my hidden roadblocks stemmed from not forgiving myself for various missteps, feelings of being unworthy, neglect, less than, and…..check this out, not showing myself much grace while reaching for my dreams.

Shewwww beloved, if I knew then what I know now. Pssshhhhh ooooo weeee….I still don’t know where I’d be, but instead of relishing on where I could have been, I’m grateful for the lightbulb to shine now before all of my dreams come to fruition.

But anywho, during my moment of growth, I also saw a deeper level of appreciation and understanding for healing. Just like our physical wounds must go through a healing process before the damaged area is not vulnerable to continued damage, our invisible wounds must go through a similar healing process before we can be whole.

You know the saying, “hurt people, hurt people.” This analysis is accurate because individuals walkout their journey with opened wounds. However, the opposite occurs when you walk through life healed - while you may display some scars, you won’t live life through a lens of pain but instead from a place of hope. Healed people can help heal people.

Brené Brown said in a lecture once, something to the effect, that you cannot give what you do not have.

If someone needs to experience grace, mercy, or unconditional love and you are far removed from walking through life with those attributes, it becomes challenging to display it to others genuinely. However, if you’re bogged down with stress, anxiety, worry, anger, frustration, etc., it’s almost second nature to exude that towards someone else. If you don’t believe me, ask the person cussing out the cashier for shortening them a penny at the gas station about what truly made them so angry. It’s not that the cashier shorted them a penny; more times than not, something else happened before that point. The penny was just the final straw for their window of tolerance.

So, beloved, what hurt are you dismissing because you believe it’s easier to suppress it than address it?

If you’re 100% good, yassss go you! I celebrate you and your freedom. However, if you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. People are going through a similar struggle, so you don’t have to hide away in silence. You can heal, and you can live a life fulfilled.

Embracing the healing process has its challenges and doesn't always bring forth the “fun” that we desire, but it’s essential for reaching wholeness.

Being whole isn’t one-sided. It leads to healthier relationships, encourages your children to be their best selves, and shifts your perspective on life.

Now don’t get me wrong, reaching wholeness takes intentionality, grace, patience, and consistency. Nevertheless, it’s doable.

So again, I ask, what hurt are you dismissing?

Don’t allow fear of the unknown or what others think keep you from being your best self! You were created to do more than survive and walk exhaustedly through this journey with the weight of life’s challenges. You can walk with a lighter load.

The first step is being willing to experience a change. After that, it’s time to reach out for a healthy lifeline to walk with you as you build your strategy. From there, you’ll take life one moment at a time.

Are you ready?